Anyway back to mom. She comes in to Safeway– cake is already on her brain, but she avoids it, tries to pick out the perfect melon in peace. Stops for a look at the cake... certainly nothing wrong with a just look, right? She picks up every piece, examining the thickness of the icing, looks for the one with the most. “Once the icing wasn’t thick enough on any of the pieces, so I was able to walk away easily.” But most of the time, there is an internal battle... usually she walks away empty handed, but her brain is full of thoughts, and after scanning the aisles, she is back to her slice – puts it in the basket. Walks away. Comes back again, puts the cake back... walks away... comes back. Cake goes back into the cart.
Cake makes it through check out but doesn’t make it much farther. It is devoured in haste once inside the car. The desire for cake is subdued, but now new thoughts take over the brain. Guilt. Severe guilt, at giving in, at letting cake rule her brain, at letting those empty calories into her body. She says never again. She knows that is not true.